Lemmy's Tire Service
by Yoshizilla-Fan
Summary: Yep. Nintendo parodied Lenny's Tire Service with this. Now Lemmy has his own tire service, and is selling tires all over the place.
1. Chapter 1

**Lemmy's Tire Service**

by Yoshizilla-Fan

* * *

Lemmy Koopa was in the garage of one of his tire shops, which was located somewhere at the starting line of Delfino Airport.

"Tires! Get your tires!" Lemmy hollered in a high pitched voice, riding on top of a tire rather than his usual star spotted ball. "Get your tires before I retire!"

Then, realizing he made a bad tire pun, Lemmy fell off his tire, which rolled over his body as he landed. "Oh pancake pennies! I better not make any more bad puns, or I'll turn into Lakithunder!"

Suddenly, Iggy Koopa rode by on top of a Chain Chomp. "Hi hi hi brother! What's upper?"

"Oh, just selling tires! You wanna by some tires?" Lemmy asked, pulling himself back up.

"Me? Tires? My Chain Chomp doesn't need no stinkin' tires! But thanks for your offer!" Iggy pulled out a whip, smacking his Chain Chomp with it as it pulled him away, barking loudly.

It was then that Wendy Koopa rode by, seeing Lemmy's tire service. "Well look who it is. Sold any tires lately?"

Lemmy jumped back onto his tire, regaining his balance. "No, but I'll sell you a tire or two! And I got airplane tires too! I'm better than that Italian car who's name is the same as that green man!"

Wendy nodded once. "I see. I guess I'll be your first customer."

Lemmy jumped up and did a one hand stand on his tire in excitement. "Great! I'll get you some tires right away, sister!"

Wendy pulled in her cart closer. "By the way, can I pay you in pennies?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lemmy was selling some tires to Roy Koopa at Lemmy's shop in Cloudtop Cruise, with Roy having a Boomerang Flower in his hand.

"So can I pay you with this thing?" Roy asked.

Lemmy shook his head. "No way! You can't pay me with bad power-ups!"

"But I only have 10 coins!" Roy admitted. "It's the freaking cap!"

"Who cares about the coin cap? The coin system in general was a bad idea from the start!" Lemmy complained. "Nintendo shouldn't have reinstated any of the crap from the seventh Mario Kart installment into the eighth!"

Roy sighed. "So what can I get for 10 coins?"

"I can sell you a hubcap." Lemmy mentioned, his arms crossed.

"I don't think a single hubcap will do me any good." Roy responded. Hen, he got an idea, pulling out a shiny silver ball spotted with gold stars. "What about this?"

Lemmy's face brightened with excitement as his pupils were replaced by stars. "I'll give you four whitewalls for that ball!" he blurted, coveting it.

A few minutes later, Roy was racing around Cloudtop Cruise with his new set of whitewalls while Lemmy was rolling around a remote beanstalk on his new ball.

"Soon all the wonderful colored balls will be mine!" Lemmy stated as he continued rolling along.


	3. Chapter 3

Lemmy was selling bike tires to Princess Rosalina, who was wearing her biker suit.

"Twenty coins, lady! Take it or leave it!" Lemmy argued.

"But I only have ten coins!" Rosalina shrugged. "I can't go over the cap! No one can!"

"That's because no one bothers to ignore that cap. This is a fanfic, after all!" Lemmy stated.

Meanwhile, Larry Koopa was carrying a stack of coins. "I hear that, brother!"

"Larry! Where'd you get all those coins?" Lemmy asked.

"It doesn't matter! You said it yourself! We need to ignore the coin cap!" Larry walked forward, only for his tower of coins to fall over, collapsing right on top of Rosalina, crushing her and her bike.

"I guess you're right, brother." Lemmy agreed, placing his hand on Larry's back. Rosalina tried to speak while crushed underneath the pile of coins, only for muffling to be heard.

"No, space princess, I don't fix bikes! I only fix tires! And tire repairs will cost you eleven coins. Each!" Lemmy replied.


	4. Chapter 4

Waluigi was seeing Lemmy at his tire service in the Delfino Airport, wanting some new tires.

"Hey Mr. Lanky! You ever rolled in money before?" Lemmy asked him.

Waluigi nodded his head. "Of course, you crazy Koopa! I own a taco stand, Bridal Boutique, and Motor Oil Company."

"Well, check this out!" Lemmy pulled out a ball, jumping on it and rolling it onto a pile of coins that he made with his tire service. "I'm rolling **on** money!"

Waluigi crossed his arms. "You're almost as lame as that power plant owning Koopa."

"Oh, you're just jealous that some of us come up with better idioms than you." Lemmy stated.

"Can I just buy some tires?" Waluigi groaned.

"Sure thing, Wally!" Lemmy backflipped off his ball, grabbing a pile of Monster Tires. "Here you go! Since you're a heavyweight, and you used these tires with The Duke bike for your staff ghost in Mount Wario, I figured you'd want these."

Waluigi crossed his arms, feeling rather impressed. "You have fine business skills for being the only lightweight Koopaling."

"I know! So here you go!" Lemmy handed the Monster Tires to Waluigi, whose lanky arms were able to lift them up somehow. "That'll be 11 coins."

"Haven't you bothered your customers enough with that coin cap joke?" Waluigi groaned.

Lemmy sighed. "Do you want these tires or not?"

Waluigi simply scoffed as he paid Lemmy and grabbed his set of tires. "I don't know what's more annoying. Lemmy's idiom, or the coin cap..." he thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Lemmy Koopa was at Grumble Volcano, having decided to expand his tire service to more remote race tracks throughout the land.

"Hey, Lemster!" Morton yelled. "Wat'cha doing here? There's construction to be done here! By me!"

"Oh hi Mort! I'm going to sell tires here!" Lemmy stated.

"Yeah, well I'm going to work on some construction here! So beat it." Morton told him, pulling a hard hat out of nowhere and putting it on.

"I have some tires that will help other racers get by, despite your construction!" Lemmy told him.

"You and your lame excuses!" Morton ranted. "Now, beat it!" Morton pushed Lemmy aside.

"Fine!" Lemmy claimed, angered by Roy's obnoxiousness as he walked away.

Several minutes later, while Roy was jack hammering the ground, which only caused it to collapse into the lava, Lemmy went by on a Badwagon Kart with Monster Tires, rolling over Morton and the construction signs, crushing him.

"I am going to sell tires here, and now you can't do anything about it, Morty!" Lemmy teased.

Dry Bowser suddenly came down out of nowhere. "No you're not! This is my turf! And my turf is for me and my undead friends to relax, not for you to drum up business!"

"Oh come on!" Lemmy pouted. "You're the undead version of our father! Have mercy on me!"

"I will not let you turn my volcano into the next Seaside Hill!" Dry Bowser stated, crossing his bony arms. "Now get the fiery hell out!"

Lemmy momentarily stared at Dry Bowser. "Wow. You are heartless in more ways than one!" he told him. "No wonder you didn't make it to Mario Kart 7 or 8!" With that, Lemmy rode his Monster Badwagon away, leaving Dry Bowser and a flattened Morton behind him.

"At least part of my head made a cameo in the Bone-Dry Dunes!" Dry Bowser uttered.


	6. McDonalds

Lemmy returned from McDonalds to his Tire Shack in Dolphin Shoals to see Wendy Koopa standing before him.

"Oh hiya Wendy! What can I get you?" Lemmy asked.

"You went to McDonalds? And not Wendy's? Why?" Wendy impatiently asked him, her reptilian hands on her hips.

"Because they currently have Mario Kart 8 toys there! I got a toy of our dad!" Lemmy pulled out a toy of Bowser on a kart from his McDonalds To-go bag.

Suddenly, Larry literally popped up from the water. "I got a toy of Yoshi on a bike!" Larry claimed, showing it off.

"I got Toad in a kart!" Toadette claimed.

"I got one of me!" Princess Peach claimed, holding a toy of herself on a bike in her biker outfit while wearing her biker outfit. "And it looks just like me!"

"Well I didn't get a toy!" Morton claimed. "Just a stupid visor of that stupid red plumber!" Morton exclaimed, holding up his Mario cap visor that he didn't want.

"Oh come on!" Wendy growled, having a hissy as she clenched her fists. "Did anyone here eat at Wendy's?"

"No!" Everyone else exclaimed in unison, the lot of them playing with their new toys, except for Morton, who threw his Mario visor into the water, which ironically, landed on Mario's head as he was racing around Dolphin Shoals, causing him to spin out.

"That's what you get, stupid red guy!" Morton yelled.

Wendy sighed. "Oh just forget it..."


	7. Lemmy Takes A Break

Lemmy was relaxing in his beach house in Cheep Cheep Beach, taking a break from his tire service.

"Ahh, sure is nice to get away from the stress of owning a business." Lemmy stated as he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, before Toadette walked by, seeing the relaxed Lemmy on his beach chair, wearing a cute little biker suit.

"Hiya Lems! Taking a break from your tire service I see." Toadette innocently remarked, smiling and holding her hands behind her back.

"That's right, mushroom girl. So beat it." Lemmy told her, pulling out a reflector out of his shell and opening it, letting the sun's rays hit his face.

"I will, but first, do you like my new outfit?" Toadette asked.

Lemmy put down his reflector, seeing Toadette's biker outfit. "It's nice. Why are you wearing it?"

Toadette giggled. "Oh, I just thought I'd try it on and show other people because it makes me look cuter!"

"You sure it's not because you're tired of your pink dress?" Lemmy remarked, pulling his sunglasses up.

"Look, I've been wanting to do this for a long while now. It's not fair that Nintendo didn't give me a biker outfit because I'm the size of a two-year old. And I got tired of people looking at my damn diaper all day!" Toadette remarked, making a cutely angry face.

"Thats what I like to hear." Lemmy stated. "But you gotta admit, it was a cute diaper. It makes you fit perfectly with the three diapered princesses."

Toadette grunted in a cute manner, her hands on her hips. "Oh, stop making fun of me! You're just like your brothers and sisters. Annoying and obnoxious as hell, even to a cute, mushroom gal like me!"

With that, Toadette walked off into the jungle foliage as Lemmy resumed his tan.

"What a baby." Lemmy remarked to himself.


	8. Wendy Hates CD-I References

Wendy Koopa sighed, sitting down next to Lemmy and his tire shack in Dolphin Shoals.

"Is something the matter, Wendy?" Lemmy asked, riding a red ball with gold stars while carrying a stack of Wood tires.

"It's those annoying CD-I Mario brothers. They're being a pain in the butt!" Wendy complained. "To think the normal Mario Brothers were bad enough!"

Lemmy rolled his eyes. "Can you blame them? What with their CD-I jokes?"

"I don't ever wanna hear another CD-I joke again for that matter!" Wendy exclaimed.

"You can never predict when someone will make a CD-I joke, sister!" Lemmy remarked. "I mean, sure it's predictable in fanfiction about CD-I games, or any fanfic with CD-I characters for that matter, but otherwise, not!"

"Oh shut up, you lightweight, lightheaded reptile!" Wendy insulted him.

"Save your insults for Mario and his friends." Lemmy stated. "Just let those feelings roll away."

Wendy slowly shook her head, knowing that Lemmy made a tire pun, which did not cheer her up at all.


End file.
